Category Archives: Parenting

Pray for Your Pastor

Lord, Thank You For My Pastor, Bill Carroll And His Wife Sue within Encouraging Quotes For Pastors

Today, would you pray for your pastor(s)?

Oftentimes, people ask me how they might best encourage their pastors. Although I can’t speak for every pastor (or pastor’s spouse), I can share what would most encourage me (and my pastor-husband agrees).

What is the one thing that would most encourage a pastor? PRAYER. Truly, as pastors, we need prayer (and so do our families).

Ministry isn’t a 9-5 job. It’s all-consuming, no matter how intentional one might be in establishing boundaries and practicing the spiritual disciplines. The weight of the responsibilities: spiritual, administrative, relational, etc.; the desire to shepherd, lead, and care for others; and the sincere love of the church is always on a pastor’s heart and mind.

As pastors, my husband and I are committed not to act as if we have it all together, because we don’t. We hold our marriage, family, ministries and pastoral callings close to our hearts. And we don’t take those relationships or responsibilities lightly.

We also realize that our battle isn’t merely against ‘flesh and blood’. There are battles for which we fight, but are unable to see with human eyes. For some, this may sound absolutely absurd, and I understand. But for those of you who know about that of which I speak, I am not hesitant to ask for prayer.

How can you encourage your pastors? I truly believe it’s through prayer. Might I suggest a few ways for you to pray for your pastor(s) and their family?

• Pray for their spiritual health that it might be authentic and ever-deepening. Not routine, formulaic, or mundane.

•Pray for an unwavering ability to distinguish and hear God’s still, small voice amongst the competing noise of life, in order to lead effectively, shepherd diligently, and love unconditionally.

•Pray for them to identify and regularly connect with someone who can be a “pastor to the pastor” in order to purposefully and intentionally care for their soul and spiritual needs. This may be a soul friend, a spiritual director, or even another pastor.

•Pray against discouragement and attacks. Pastoral ministry can be brutal, discouraging work. Daily, pastors walk alongside of the hurting in their congregation and community, doing their best to navigate horrific and hurtful situations – divorce, death, spiritual doubt and disillusionment, and so much more. In addition to congregational concerns, pastors also have to navigate difficult, real-life, personal situations in their own families.

•Pray for their health and for rest that is refreshing and restorative. Pray for times of recreation that will allow their ministry mind to be turned ‘off,’ so they can simply ‘be’ and not feel as if they always have to be ‘on’.

•Pray for them to develop authentic friendships with safe, trusted ones who will simply allow them to be a person, not always on-call as a pastor. To intentionally connect with others with whom they can be completely real and vulnerable—sharing the good, the bad, and the ugly without judgment or criticism.

•If married, pray for their marriage to be protected, nurtured, and strengthened. To have consistent date nights and meaningful conversations, void of discussing church, work, or the like.

•If they are parents, pray for their kids. To know and love Jesus. To have a true connection with Him as their personal Savior. To find their identity in Christ alone, not in their pastor-parents’ job(s) and, especially, not in other people’s (unrealistic) expectations. Pray for the children of pastors to be resilient and understanding, specifically when pastor-parents are unable to attend their activities due to the demands of ministry or when last-minute meetings and/or emergencies arise.

As a pastor, this is what would greatly encourage me. And I believe it might encourage your pastor, too.

How else might you pray for and/or encourage your pastor(s) and their family?

The Day I Saw Life In Color Again

The Day I Saw Life In Color Again
by Jada A. Swanson

Some folks, even some “good” Christian folks, have shared some rather stupid and callous thoughts and remarks regarding Robin Williams’ death, the illness of depression, in general, and how it relates to the Christian life, specifically. Suggesting it’s predominantly a spiritual issue, and the person who is depressed merely needs to “get right with God” to be healed. As a pastor, and one who has walked the dark road of depression, specifically post-partum depression (PPD), I can assure you this isn’t the case.I wasn’t depressed because I lacked faith or didn’t believe enough.

In 2003, ten days after becoming a mom for the very first time, we made a cross-country move, were in the middle of selling two homes, and purchasing another one. Plus, my husband was joining a new pastoral staff; thus, our family was joining a new church. In addition to all of this, I was relocating my job to another state and continuing to tele-commute. Having no family near, living in a new state, attending a new church, being a mom for the first time–well, all of this was just a tad-bit overwhelming for me.

The summer my baby boy turned one, I was slowly beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. And I could tell little by little, the ‘dark days’ were lifting. Just as I was beginning to feel normal again, I discovered that I was pregnant with our second child, my daughter. This pregnancy was a complete and utter surprise to us, considering we didn’t think we would be able to have anymore children. Thanks to the “happy pregnancy hormones,” the nine months that I carried her in my womb were clear and beautiful and bright.

But shortly after my daughter’s birth, my “ole friend” came to visit once again, this time with a vengeance. Everything seemed to be exacerbated by a hormonal imbalance and an inability to produce milk, which resulted in feeding difficulties. All of which required me to feed/pump/supplement my baby girl every two hours around the clock, sun up to sundown. Can anyone say insomnia? Regardless, I still had a 21-month old son to take care of, along with needing to return to work one month after my daughter’s birth because I didn’t have a job that offered paid maternity leave. All of this made me feel even more lost and alone, even though my husband was amazing, supportive and a complete hands-on dad.

After Jamison was born, I literally don’t know how I got through my days. I would get in the car, put on my seatbelt, start the ignition, and that was it. What happened from Point A to Point B is beyond me. I have absolutely no memories of driving to work or how I got there. Somehow, I managed to make it to work on the days I had to go into the office without having a wreck.

Although I never tried to commit suicide, there were many times I would think and tell myself that my family would be better off without me. I could hardly function. While at home, I was a shell of myself. Crying because I couldn’t find an article of clothing, only to discover I was holding it in my hands the entire time.

Unfortunately, during this time, healthy communication wasn’t my forte and more tears were shed and voices raised than I care to admit. My brain was just too foggy. I was utterly exhausted. And I felt nothing. I knew I loved my family, but I felt no feelings of love or happiness or anything. I was completely numb. Still, my husband stood by my side, unwaveringly. Yet, I am sure, this time was anything but easy for him. After the fact, he has shared with me how difficult it was for him, personally.

At church, I put on the smile that I was supposed to have. I played the part, or tried to play the part. While I was at work at the university, all I wanted to do was crawl under the piano in my office and take a nap, but I couldn’t. To this day, I think my job was God’s gift to me. Because of it, I had to get out of bed three days a week, shower and get dressed in something other than yoga pants or pajamas. But most importantly, my job allowed me to be around people, lots of people.

For whatever reason–pride, all types of fear, even lack of knowledge–I never went to the doctor to seek out help or medication. Looking back, I wish I would have. It would have saved my family and myself from so much turmoil and strife. But I will never forget the day that I saw life in color again. It was the first Sunday of July 2007.

Earlier that summer, my pastor-husband asked me to begin leading worship again. At this point, I honestly couldn’t bare to look at music or sit at the piano for more than five minutes. (Ironic that I was a music professor, eh?) A few times, I had been asked to sing on the worship team at church, but honestly couldn’t remember the words to songs I had sung my entire life.

Even still, I agreed to begin leading worship on one condition: only if it was a small team (me, a drummer and a bass guitarist). If I was sitting at the piano, surely I could read the music. Not to mention, I didn’t have to memorize the words. Plus, with a smaller team, there were fewer pieces of the puzzle to try to figure out. This was all good. Still, I was terrified.

That Sunday morning, I had willed myself out of bed because I had committed to do something. Even in the midst of the darkness, I wanted to keep my word. I walked into the bathroom, looked in the mirror, and did a double-take. Seriously, that’s how it went. That’s how quickly it all happened. It was just like the scene from “The Wizard of Oz” when it goes from black and white to Technicolor. It was as if a screen had been lifted from in front of me or as if scales had been removed from my eyes.  (A few years later, I did go for counseling, and my counselor told me that many people shared with her a similar experience when their PPD lifted.)

In that moment, I knew something had changed. Tears flowed from my eyes, but it wasn’t the tears that I had been crying for months on end. These seemed different. Cleansing, even healing. My brain felt significantly different, clearer and more responsive. I called out to my husband to get out of bed, so I could tell him what was happening. He could see a difference on my face.

When I sat down at the piano at church, I could clearly see the music on the page. Before this moment, the music was just a blob of black and white that didn’t make much sense. Or, at times, would appear to be moving, even thought I knew it couldn’t be or wasn’t. That’s how off my mental capacities were. But this day, everything was different. And I sang. And I felt whole. I FELT! I felt so much, internally and externally. I hadn’t felt anything in so many months!

After church, I walked outside and fully experienced the beauty of the Colorado sunshine, and felt it’s intense warmth enveloping me. As I went to bed that evening, I was scared that I would wake up the next morning only to realize it had all been a dream. That I wouldn’t experience the clearness or clarity again. But I didn’t. When I woke up the next morning, I knew I had finally said goodbye to my companion, Post-Partum Depression. It was finally over.

At this point my daughter was nearly 2 1/2 years old. Ironically, a few weeks later, I had an appointment to see my OB/GYN. Finally, I was able to  share all about the dark days, as well as the day I was, once again, able to see life in FULL COLOR. She confirmed that, yes, what I had experienced was PPD. And, most likely, this change was due to hormones being back to normal, consistently getting enough rest, and beginning to feel as if I had found a support system, apart from my husband. Before I left, she asked me why I had never come in for help, either for medication or counseling. I just shrugged my shoulders because honestly, I didn’t know why. Stubbornness? Pride? Fear? All of the above.

Throughout that season, I was hardly able to read my Bible, much less joyfully sing songs. But I prayed. Sometimes, all I could muster forth was, “Jesus, help me!” I cried out to Him. Although my brain was significantly foggy, I knew it had nothing to do with sin or because God was upset with me. And I was convinced, beyond a shadow of a doubt, he hadn’t left me or given up on me. Still, there were dark days. Many dark days.

In fact, those were the darkest days of my life. And I thank God that I was able to get to the other side. To be honest, there were days I wondered if I ever would. So when I come across folks who make callous, casual remarks about depression, especially those who equate it with lack of faith or disbelief, I get a bit angry. You see, it’s personal for me. I have lived it and experienced it. I am not an expert, just someone who’s walked that road, and can now reach out to others who are walking it themselves.

If you are experiencing symptoms of depression in any form or way, please don’t be like me and not seek out medical assistance. Reach out to others. Go see your doctor or a trained counselor. Know that there are resources to help you. And to others, please remember these words, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”** It may not be depression, but I can assure, it’s something. Be kind. Be available. Be compassionate.

**Edited to note: This quote above has been attributed to Plato, Philio and Rev. John Watson (aka Ian MacLaren). Regardless, it speaks a powerful truth.


Change: When the Teachers Get Schooled


Jon and I are always looking for ways to be more engaging as teachers and more effective as time managers. During this school year, we have experienced several new realities, personally and collectively, which have impacted our work and home school schedules. As such, towards the end of the year, we were on information overload. And we knew a change needed to occur.

Since we both have untraditional work schedules (Wed.-Sun.), but also share the home schooling responsibilities of our kids, our home school week is a bit creative. We school Tuesday-Saturday (catch up day) and observe Mondays as our Family Sabbath. On this day, there’s no school, no work, but plenty of rest, reflection and recreation. After a bit of discussion, we made a simple adjustment in our home school routine.

The changes we made were small, but significant. We decided, parents would no longer teach every subject, everyday. On Tuesdays, Jon would teach a complete week’s worth of Science and Geography (book work, field trips, experiments, etc.) Leaving Language Arts (Grammar, Writing, Spelling & Literature) for me to teach Wednesday-Friday. At the beginning of each week, the kids were given an assignment sheet which listed items for which they were solely responsible. In addition to their daily chores, they were responsible for reading, math, and music practice. Parents were available, if needed. But now, the kids had the responsibility for execution and completion.

In the first week alone, the transformation was significant! To our surprise, the kids welcomed the additional responsibility and appreciated the opportunity to earn extras for a job well done (i.e. screen time, special date with parents, etc.) In addition, since Mom and Dad weren’t teaching every subject, everyday, we felt as if we had more “bandwidth”. This afforded us the opportunity to further and more fully investigate interesting topics or to spend additional time in areas that required closer attention or extra practice for one or both of our students.

But we soon discovered this change wasn’t merely about home schooling. It reached far beyond our classroom into every sphere and facet of our family’s lives. Having kids who are 9-years-old and 11-years-old, we are quiet aware that we are entering a new season of parenting. We are smack-dab in the middle of the Tween Years, soon to be embarking on the Teen Years and then, it’s LAUNCH TIME, BABY.

It is our desire to raise our kids to be problem-solvers, risk-takers and comfortable thinking and living outside-of-the-box. We have no desire to raise kids who only know the correct outward response. Or who do the right thing out of fear of doing the wrong thing or of being different. Or who continue to do things simply because that’s they way they’ve always been done. Nope! We desire to train our children to do the right thing because they know in their hearts that’s what needs to be done. And, sometimes, doing the right thing means making changes. Even if they are uncomfortable, unpopular, or uncharted territory.

It’s our desire to create an environment of love and trust, which is grounded in the Word, that brings about heart change. This is real change. Living and learning, relating and responding, from the inside out. To do this, we have to let go of some control, share the responsibility, broaden the boundaries, and give our children freedom to make some of the decisions and even a few mistakes.

As parents, it’s our desire to be in the trenches with our children, working together to bring about heart and life change. So when they find themselves in a particular situation, relationship or conflict, they don’t just ‘do the right thing’ because that’s what’s expected of them. They do the right thing because it’s the godly thing to do.

In all areas of our lives, even in our role as parents, we want to be open to accessing and adjusting. Willing to make the needed changes. Even mid-course, if necessary. If not, we risk stagnation and death. And to always be about growing and developing, learning and transforming. Never settling for status quo. Or fearing change, but facing it head-on.

Life lesson:
Never be afraid to make necessary changes that are within your ability and control to make. For even a seemingly small change can bring about significant transformation.

Silence & Solitude: A Mom’s Perspective

Still Word

“In a world with so much noise and clutter, we need to create space to listen to God’s voice. Let solitude and silence be your allies, not your enemies. May they be our deep friends, and not awkward visitors.Invest in your soul. Take time to read the Scriptures. Pray and listen. Go for a walk. Soak in God’s presence.”
–Eugene Cho, pastor

Today, as I read this quote, I thought, “Yes!” But as a momma, I know how hard it can be to practice silence and solitude. I mean, seriously, when you have little kids, is it EVER quiet?!?! I don’t know about anyone else, but the early years of parenting were extremely difficult for me. So much so that we’ve (affectionately) labeled them the “Dark Years”. I needed sleep whenever and wherever I could get it.

With the best of intentions, I would sit down to read my Bible or to pray, and I’d fall asleep. Instead of showing myself grace, I would get upset. But I realized, God knows exactly what I need. So, perhaps, that nap was a gift from my Abba Father! I began to “rest” in the Lord! Indulging in those naps without feeling guilt. Realizing life wouldn’t always be like this. One day, the kids would grow up, begin to sleep more consistently, and life would get back to “normal” (Whatever the heck ‘normal’ is, right?!)

And guess what? That one day did happen. Our children did get older and eventually, we found our family’s rhythm of life, so as to speak. In doing so, we also discovered other rhythms we desired to implement into our lives: spiritual disciplines like silence, solitude, Sabbath, simplicity, and others.

We began taking these “disciplines” more seriously. Not as rules to follow or rigid to-do lists to check off, but as rhythms of grace that drew us closer to the Father and helped us to slow down our lives. We discovered we were able to live more intentionally, more purposefully.

Along the way, I did find silence and solitude. At first, it was difficult to sit for ten minutes, much less and entire hour in quietness and stillness, but it did happen. And I discovered the enormous benefits of resting in the Lord, waiting patiently for Him.

Being still.


And listening for His still, small voice.

To be sure, we don’t have it all figured out. This is a lifelong journey. But Jon and I have realized the importance of purposefully practicing the spiritual disciplines. Together, we are creative to carve out time in each of our schedules to prioritize these practices. Occasionally, we even take a one- or two-day retreat by ourselves while the other stays home with the kids.

So, Momma (or Daddy), show yourself some grace. But, PLEASE, don’t throw in the towel. God loves you. He earnestly desires to spend time with you and to reveal Himself to you, so that you might experience His deep, deep love. Throw out the rules and rest in the Lord. And if you need it, take a nap. It really is a gift!

“Find rest, O my soul, in God alone.” (Psalm 62:5)


Your Turn:
Do you practice the spiritual disciplines? If so, which ones? Are there others you desire to incorporate into your life?

Next steps:
Sacred Rhythms: Arranging Our Lives for Spiritual Transformation by Ruth Haley Barton
Celebration of Discipline: The Path to Spiritual Growth by Richard J. Foster

2013: Family Reading List


“Children are made readers on the laps of their parents.”
― Emilie Buchwald

When I think about my childhood, many memories involve books. Hours spent in my treehouse with a good book. Bike rides to the little country library, which was about 100 yards from my house, to check out a basket full of books for the week. An hour-long bus ride to/from school resulting in literary journeys to far off lands, where I met all sorts of characters and villains. And many hours spent snuggled up to my parents or grandparents as they shared their favorite stories with me. These are the memories I cherish, and desire to share with my own children.  Continue reading


The Importance of White Space [Scheduling it in, if necessary.]

Yesterday, a friend with whom I have great respect shared an article on his Facebook page that discussed the topic of “community,” and it resonated with me on so many levels. [CLICK HERE TO READ].  

The author, Matthew Hansen, states:

The idea of community is being in and on pilgrimage together with a diverse group of people.  The question is, do we truly believe in doing community, or do we simply believe in the picturesque idea of doing community?  Do we settle for the idea, so that we don’t have to slow down and actually do it?  Do we settle for the idea so we don’t have to enter into healthy dependent and transparent relationships with others?  Do we settle for the idea because it doesn’t cost us the idols we have found our identity in?  I think, yes… I think we, me specifically, believe in the idea of living the lives of those who truly live in community, but we don’t believe in actually doing it, because it would simply demand we slow down.

As the writer shares about himself, I am also a “type-A person,” who loves my work, networking, and getting things done. And I’ve learned, it’s so easy to become entrapped on the “hamster wheel,” and moving at such an intense pace that we lose sight of what is most important: people and relationships, not performance and productivity.  Sure, our jobs require our time and attention. And, of course, we need to be good stewards of the responsibilities in which we have been entrusted, but not at the sacrifice of family, friends or even our own health (body, mind, soul and spirit).

My husband and I have learned that it’s takes quality time AND quantity time to develop any relationship, and to deepen the level of intimacy. Several years ago, when faced with the reality that our lives were too busy, we made some significant changes.  We realized something had to give, and life must slow down a bit. Priorities were checked and decisions were made, in order that we might be more intentional in developing community and investing in relationships in our sphere of influence.

As a result, in the last few years, we have begun scheduling in white space on our calendars*. At first, it felt odd scheduling white space (along with Sabbath and Date Nights). But if we didn’t do this, we knew it wouldn’t happen because there is always something else to be done. We both have jobs we love, along with sharing in the responsibilities of home schooling our children. So, life is full. Yet, we realize that aside from those commitments, we are responsible for how we  allot our time.

Not only do we desire to be good stewards of our time, we desire to be good stewards of our relationships.  For us, it’s became a question of good versus best. We’ve discovered that intentionally choosing to spend time with God, each other, our family, and close friends is always the better choice. Life just feels out-of-whack when these relationships are not properly nurtured. Yet, our society, even our Christian sub-culture, condones busy-ness, oftentimes at the cost of deepening relationships with those in our closest spheres of influence.

Truthfully, this transition hasn’t been easy. We’ve realized in order to say, “Yes,” we have to say “No”. “No” to more than one extra-curricular activity for our kids. “No” to missing family dinner, except on rare occasions (Often, this is how we connect with our community.) “No” to extraneous meetings with acquaintances which take time away from developing deeper relationships with those already in our sphere of influence.

In no way are we saying that developing new friendships is not worthwhile, or that we don’t make time to develop new friendships. However, we strongly desire depth to breadth.  In the last few years, we’ve learned:

source: Pinterest @amandamcrae

source: Pinterest @amandamcrae

When we schedule this intentional down time, in order to invest in our community and to deepen relationships, our calendars do appear overly full. This might unintentionally give the false impression that we are too busy and, perhaps, don’t have time for others. But this is only when folks don’t know our scheduling scheme.

A while back, an acquaintance saw my calendar and commented, “Oh, my word, I could never keep up with your life.” Then, I let her in on our little family secret: “My calendar looks crazy, but it’s because we purposefully schedule ‘down time’ to spend with family, friends, or have an evening out (i.e. Date Night, Poker Night, Book Club).”  My husband likes to call it planned spontaneity.

Along with embracing intentional white space, we are really leaning into the ministry of availability, which we’ve found is so easily taken for granted. Being available means having margin in our lives for those unexpected occurrences. Allowing for those God-ordained moments to drop everything and just show up when someone has a need or crisis. Or having time to connect with a friend over a cup of coffee for a long, detail-laden update on life.

In doing so, we’ve discovered  freedom. Freedom to say, “No,” to those opportunities which might be good, but are not the best use of our time.  Along with freedom to give a whole-hearted “Yes” to life-giving opportunities, which develop community and restore our spirits.

Trust me, we haven’t figured it all out. At times, we still find ourselves on the “hamster wheel,” needing to re-evaluate our commitments and priorities. Still, we are experiencing life-giving community in a new way. Simply by making an effort to turn off the noise of busy-ness and investing in the lives of others, even when it requires us to be vulnerable and without masks. [Which is the topic of another post to come.]

As Matthew Hansen stated in his article:

Learning to become faithful pilgrims amid the brokenness of this world is about becoming more Christian.  A Rwandan proverb says, ‘To go fast, walk alone.  To go far, walk together.’ When we learn how to slow down to make room for walking together across divides, we become more Christian.” from Reconciling All Things 

**By the way, we use Cozi, an online calendar for families.


Momma, Why do we pray?

Yesterday morning, I began writing this post. Then, the busyness of the day ensued. Not busyness for the sake of getting things marked off my to-do list. Rather, busyness that was life-giving, joy-giving, and thanks-giving.

After the children had completed their “book learning” for the day (taught by their dad), we headed for the YMCA. Really, this was a continuation of school, since it was PE! 🙂 Yet, my husband’s promise of a trip to the pool was an ingenious incentive to motivate the children to complete their assignments! (He’s a smart man!)

So, in the middle of writing out my list of “gifts,”  I graciously accepted the invitation to tag along with my family. A trip to the YMCA to swim (them) and to run (me), turned into an extended outing, which culminated with a trip to the Red Box to select a movie for “Family Movie Night”. Then, home to make homemade pizza.

Yet, a significant part of my day occurred at the very end.

As I was tucking my daughter into bed, she said,

“Momma, if God knows everything and knows exactly what we are going to pray, why do we pray?”

Which led me to share with her, yes, God does know everything. And He does know exactly what we are going to pray and how He is going to answer our prayers. Yet, God wants us to get to know Him, the way He knows us. He wants to have a relationship with us. A meaningful friendship.

When the children were younger,  we shared with them the ACTS model of prayerWe discussed that a bit.

A-Adoration: Adore God, love Him and praise Him for who He is.

C-Confession: Admit your sins to God, ask for His forgiveness through faith that Jesus died for our sins.

T-Thanksgiving: Thank God for answered prayers, for the good things He has done in your life. For growth.

S-Supplication: Pray for your family and friends, for those who are sick or sad. Pray for those who are not Christians yet. Pray for your own spiritual growth and any other need you might have.

Then, I shared with her my life’s verse, Psalms 37:4

Take delight in the LORD, 
   and he will give you the desires of your heart.

And how in my own faith journey, prayer has become more about getting to know God, and less about getting what I want (or think I want).  I have discovered His desires have become my desires. His hopes and dreams for my life have become my hopes and dreams for my life. And in those those times when the words just won’t come, I sit, wait and listen.

Prayer isn’t just about sharing our requests and then, hoping we get what we asked for. When we pray, we do some of the talking, but we need to listen, too. Sometimes, the listening is the hardest part. Or so I’ve found.  When we pray, we need to allow our hearts and minds to quiet from the noise and busyness of the day, so that we can hear that “still, small voice,” which is God’s voice.

To my surprise, she seemed to “get it”.

Yet, to be honest, I think this conversation was a gentle reminder from God to me. Isn’t that how it usually goes? 🙂

Continuing to add to my lists of gifts:

6. Friends who allow me to share my laughter and tears. 

7. Flowers blooming, which reminds me of ever-changing seasons….in nature and in my life.

8. Time spent with family. Doing something or nothing at all.

9. Finding crawfish to make Crawfish Étouffée.

10. Holy Week and all it represents in my life: freedom, salvation, grace, love.